It’s okay to not be okay

Rough patch, a bad day, a major setback. Sometimes, it seems like one thing goes wrong after another. And another, and another.

Sometimes an unexpected challenge or an obstacle might come your way, and you find yourself stressing out, worrying and not knowing what to do. And, some days, you just have nothing. Zero motivation, no creativity. All of the sudden, you’re being plagued with self-doubt .

You think you have to be strong all the time.

You think you’re not allowed to cry, to admit that you’re not okay.

This is something that I’ve been struggling with for the last couple of months. I don’t know if these strange and sudden changes in my mood are part of the grieving process; I don’t know if things will ever go back to the way they used to be. What I do know, is that admitting that I’m not doing too well, even to myself, wasn’t easy.

Why?

Why do we always feel the need to be strong? Why do we feel guilty when taking a time-out? I was overwhelmed with such guilt. How can I sit here and cry and feel sorry for myself, when I have some much to be grateful for? There’s so much work I need to get done, I don’t see anyone else make excuses for themselves.

IF YOU’RE FEELING UNINSPIRED 

Know that it’s okay. Don’t resist feeling “bad” just because it seems like you’re the only one who feels lonely, or lost or unmotivated- you’re not. Don’t worry about what everyone else is doing and remember that we all know what it’s like to “not be okay” even if most of us don’t talk about it .All those feelings are normal, we all go through this sometimes. Is it a fun place to be? Fuck no. But it doesn’t last forever.

Whenever I’m feeling like this, I get paralyzed with self-doubt. “Oh God, I write about mindfulness and being happy and staying present and here I am, sitting on my bathroom floor, crying, because I had a bad day, wtf is wrong with me?!” In moments like this, I feel almost as if my authenticity is being compromised. It’s just a confusing place to be.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned during last couple of months though, it’s that the more you resist feeling “bad”, the worse you’ll feel. Yes, you have to keep trying to get better, but don’t force it- allow yourself to heal and learn to be patient with yourself.  Think of those bad days, as a passing cloud- you can’t see the sun, but you know it’s there. You know that eventually, it will come out.

MOVING ON

Know that your feelings are temporary. Sometimes it does feel like you start to lose control over everything- this is why in my experience, sticking to your regular routine is crucial. Few years ago my mom ended up in a hospital and I had to not only take over some of her responsibilities but also worry about her getting surgery on top of everything, while also working and taking care of my family, driving around all day, going home then going back to the hospital. I felt like I was about to go into a nervous breakdown and end up in a hospital myself. I was tired and irritated all the time.

I allowed that overwhelm to take over. I didn’t meditate, I didn’t get my daily workouts in, I ate crappy food, I didn’t keep up with my gratitude journal- I didn’t do any of those things that help me stay sane, happy and motivated. I think that this is why keeping up with your regular routine as much as possible is very important during stressful times.

Make sure that you’re not spending most of your time on the couch, make sure that your sink is clean, your laundry is done, your bed is made- these are all things that will make you feel much better while you’re  trying to work through your problems. You don’t have to keep up with all your usual chores, take it easy if you must, but sticking to your routine, even partially, can make a big difference.

When you get in that funk, it’s very easy to start blaming yourself, or others for your problems. It’s very important that despite whatever it is that you’re going through, you forgive both yourself and anyone else you might be blaming. I think that we all tend to be way too hard on ourselves, overanalyzing every situation that might have played out differently if we made a different decision, etc.

It’s okay not to be okay. You’re allowed to change your mind, to take a break or leave a situation you don’t feel comfortable in. There’s no need to blame yourself for any of those things just like there’s no need to feel bad about… feeling bad.

We should all be allowed to fall apart sometimes, so that we can find ourselves all over again.


  • Such an important post. Thank you so much for sharing <3
    xx
    http://mariannelle.com

  • I agree. We don’t have to be strong all the time!

    xx, Melissa

    https://elephantontheroad.com

  • Beautiful post. Sometimes, people forget that negative emotions are as normal as positive ones. Good for you for having the courage to work through it!

    http://www.luxandvitae.com

    • Thank you Love. I used to feel so guilty for having those floods of negative emotions and I still think it’s so interesting how one day I can be so happy and inspired and the next I can feel like I don’t have the strength to get out of bed. Luckily it doesn’t happen too often hehe ;)

  • Very important post, thank you for sharing this reminder that it’s okay to not be okay. You’re so right, sticking to your usual routine helps a lot! xx

    Coco Bella Blog

  • Totally agree with this! Its okay if you are’nt always 100% perfect

    http://www.petiteelliee.com

    Ellie xx

  • Once again a timely post. Excellent! Thank you for sharing with us!

  • those days where everything goes wrong seems to happen more often than not for me lately, such an inspiring post :)
    Kathy x
    Alongcamekathy

    • Hope you know that they happen to all of us and that there’s nothing wrong with that. We just have to ride it out :)

  • Sophie Sierra

    Such a beautiful and meaningful post Paula. I’m so proud of you for your strength and always in admiration for you in everything you do, you’re one of the bravest, most courageous women I’ve ever met and I look up to you so much. You’re so right, it’s definitely okay not to be okay and this post is the most heartfelt epitome of that. All my love to you beautiful soul sis, always here for you, mean it <3

    Sophie | soinspo xo

    • Thank you my Love, I hope you know just how much of an inspiration you are to me! Sending all my love right back at you, beautiful! xx

  • I think this is a really important post to share with everyone because more often than not, people will find themselves in a similar situation. I really believe in not always pretending everything is okay and to let yourself feel things, even if it is such sad emotions. Otherwise, everything just bottles up and as you said, it can be overwhelming.

    I think the important thing it not to let it overwhelm you too much and not to dwell too long on being sad or angry. When I was going through a rough time, I gave myself like a week to feel sorry for myself and be sad and just cry whenever I wanted to and for how long I needed to but then after that week, I made myself keep going. Life goes on and so even though I wasn’t saying to myself that I wasn’t allowed to be sad or angry, I couldn’t stop my life by dwelling too long on it. I could still feel however I felt but I had to try to have as much normalcy in my life as possible. That week-long time out really helped me and so did giving myself that limit before I had to get back on track as much as possible.

    Thank you for sharing this post with us. I hope after you take the time you need to feel whatever you need to feel, you get back on track and onto a better path.

    Emily | http://emilytrinh.com

    • Yes, this! We should allow ourselves a day or two to feel sorry for ourselves, there’s nothing wrong with that. I think that resisting these emotions can only make things worse. It’s so necessary to take a break sometimes, to just be.

      Thank you for taking the time to read and for your comment Emily! x

  • I love what you posted here. It is so honest and true. perfection doesn’t exist and we are all human :)
    http://www.bauchlefashion.com/2017/04/7-signs-your-beauty-addict.html

  • Lovely and inspiring read..it is important to remember that perfection doesn’t exist….

  • GET DRESSED. No matter how bad I feel about myself and how much I want to just sink into the carpet and disappear, getting dressed must happen. It is such a… weirdly lifting up ritual. And just enough not to make me feel like a complete failure.

    • Oh this is such a great point! Also, kind of weird, but styling my hair also always makes me feel better hehe. I don’t know why, but it does. :)

  • This is so powerful! Although I say this to myself all the time, it’s sometimes hard to keep believing it. I’ve been in lower energies for the past weeks as well and finally I found ways to get out of that again. Forgiving myself when I ‘slip back’ is still one of the main things I have to learn. So definitely checking out your post on that topic as well. For now, thanks for the wise words <3

    • We all go through this. We’re all in this together. Remember that on those days when you’re feeling low or sad, you’re not the only one- even thought I know (from experience) that it often does feel like it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post Sonja. x

  • Couldn’t agree more with your quote! Hard times might seem impossible to get over, but it helps us to find real us and our strengths. Moving on is important, when we don’t do anything because we have so much to worry about, it won’t get us anywhere. As you said even doing small things like tidying around will lift that mood and give us more motivation to do something for ourselves. Great and inspiring post as always!

    Ela BellaWorld

    • It’s funny, but I find that when my space is clean and tidy, I feel better- even when I feel like shit hehe ;) Thank you so much Ela for always being so kind!

  • Hannah Child

    Beautiful post, and very honest. I have to agree with cleaning, making the bed etc…it really does help when your mind is filled with negative thoughts and emotions. Sometime just having a clean helps to clear your head a bit! Thank you for writing this xx

    • Thank you Hannah! So glad that you agree with me on that! A pile of dirty dishes, a messy bed or a ton of dirty laundry only makes me feel worse. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post!

  • Lisa Autumn

    You just do the best advice posts! Love it.. so real! I love how you say it’s fine not to be strong sometimes.. I hate this “Just be strong” mentality.. like it’s that easy..

    xx Lisa | lisaautumn.com

    • Aw Lisa, thank you SO much. I hate that “be strong” mentality too. I’m all for “keep pushing” or “keep going” but I’m all good with being vulnerable at times. I think that it’s being vulnerable that eventually makes us stronger.

  • Love the honesty – and all so true. I lost my grandma around the same time you did. At one point I even felt guilty for mentioning it on the blog bc people may think I was trying to throw a pity party. I made myself crazy over the whole thing. I shouldn’t have gotten so caught up on it. I should have just taken a break. Will print this quote to put on my desk :)

    – Claudia
    http://www.justalittleblush.com/

    • Thank you so much Claudia! So sorry about your loss- if you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out, I mean it! I feel guilty sometimes too for mentioning it, but you know, she was such a huge part of my life, she WAS my life, I can’t just ignore the fact that I lost someone that important. You shouldn’t either. Sending all my love your way!

  • That is all very true!!! I always say it’s ok to feel down or to not be ok, just as long and you know when to be ok again =)

    xoRosie // Curvy Life Stories

  • This is such a lovely post, it feels like a virtual hug to my soul. It really is okay not to be okay all the time, great post Paula! I hope you are well xxx

    ALittleKiran | Bloglovin

  • Natalie Redman

    Great post lovely :)

    http://www.upyourvlog.com

  • As always, so inspiring! When I am feeling down, it is like my entire World stops and I tend to be very lazy and unproductive. I agree, it is important to give yourself a break and distract yourself with some basic chores or say decluttering. Distraction helps! xx

    Naya // http://www.partyparrotblog.com

    • Naya, thank you so much. I tend to be the same way- this is why I know that when I’m down, I need let myself ride it out and know that it’s normal to feel this way; like everything is falling apart. xx

  • Vera Da Silva

    Love your blog Paula.You’re such an inspiration! xoxo, vera

  • Rachael

    Thank you for writing this post. I have been feeling this way and have been so hard on myself for my healing. My stress has made me very ill this week and I literally just gave myself a pep talk that it was OK to sleep in to get rest for my body to relax and heal. This post was so honest! I see the light and am so happy I read this today. Now I’m going to go fold my laundry ;) xo

    • You’re welcome Rachael! You have to be kind to yourself- it doesn’t always come natural for us, but it’s so important!

  • This! I’ve definitely been not okay lately, and I’ve been fighting it so hard, I ended up sick all of last week and most of this week. Interesting that I finally started to feel better when I told my boss I couldn’t do everything.

    Jenn │ Beauty by Jellybean

    • It’s so important to know that it’s totally okay to admit that. Hope you’re feeling much better now, Jenn!

  • Love that you wrote this post as I’ve been feeling AWFUL lately. So uninspired and just no motivation for anything. I’ve been feeling crappy about life, myself and everything and you’re right. I need to just take some time out and not feel guilty about it – but I always do!

    Gemma Louise

    • Aww hope you’re feeling much now Gemma! I can totally relate to you feeling uninspired- I think we all have those days, we just don’t talk about them too much. x

  • CutieandherBeauty

    The idea that anyone has to be strong all the time, no matter who they are, is so silly. We all have feelings, we are all human. We aren’t perfect and we deserve comfort and reassurance. (:

    Yolanda| http://www.cutieandherbeauty.com

  • -M

    I was really thinking about starting a blog and you gave me the right inspiration!! Thank you so much!