How to love yourself this Valentine’s Day


What do you love about yourself?

Few years a go, after being so tired and exhausted of constantly putting myself down, I sat down with a pen and a piece of paper. I told myself “okay.. now write down 10 things that you love about yourself”. I sat at my desk, in front of that piece of paper, and waited, and waited. I couldn’t think of a single thing to write down. I started crying and it was then, when I told myself that from now on, I am going to practice self-love and nourish my relationship with myself, just as I nourish my relationships with my husband, my sister, my mother, my friends.

Today, I’ll tell you how YOU can love yourself this Valentine’s Day


A lot of men have difficulty talking about their feelings;  they’d much rather express their love through their actions, rather than using words. Few years a go, I was talking to one of my friends who said that she just can’t get her fiancé to talk about his feelings: “I know how much he loves me, but sometimes I just want to hear him express it, in different way than just by saying “I love you”. I told her to have him write a love letter to her; that way she can open it and read it, whenever she wants to. Guess what? It worked. It can also work for you.

When was the last time you told yourself “I love myself“? When was the last time you looked back at how much you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve come? What are some things that you love about yourself? Take a piece of paper and a pen, maybe grab a glass of wine or a cup of your favorite tea and write a love letter to yourself. Think about all the things you learned, obstacles you overcame, think about your body, how strong it is and all that it does for you, every single day. Write a love letter to yourself, and read it as often as you want.



This touches on another conversation that I had this past weekend with yet another friend. We were talking about how much it sucks having to come up with an excuse whenever you’re invited to do something or go somewhere you don’t feel like doing/going. It started as a joke and as he said to me “yeah, but at least you’re married, so you have an excuse, I’m single and always have to get creative with my excuses” I thought to myself, why? Why can’t I just say NO to someone, without feeling the need to have to come up with an excuse?

Sometimes you just need to learn how to put your own needs first. Whether it’s someone asking you for yet another favor, or someone trying to drag you to a club on Friday night when you’re already wearing your PJ’s and reading a book- if you don’t feel like doing it, don’t. And don’t text them saying “shit… I was on my way to your place and I just hit a deer, he came out of nowhere!! I’m afraid I can’t make it tonight :( ” Just say NO, and don’t feel guilty about it.

…..this is actually a good advice for life in general. :)



Whether you’re happily single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is a perfect excuse to treat yourself with some jewelry. I am not a big fan of chunky, bold pieces and definitely prefer more delicate and feminine pieces like this Dainty Black Heart Necklace* with black cubic zirconia stones from Mejuri. As a little gift to you guys, Mejuri is offering a 15% discount to my readers with the code “thirteenthoughts“.



After years of suffering from SA (Social Anxiety, not Sexaholics Anonymous, get your mind outta the gutter) I have my husband to thank for, for actually being able to leave the house and enjoy myself. For years, I hated trying new things. I hated not being in control all the time, not being able to feel confident in social situations. After a couple of times of literally being forced to try new things (like snowboarding, skydiving, hiking, visiting a new bar, taking a road trip) I realized how much fun it is to try something for the first time. The more I went out and experienced new things, the more confident I felt about being around other people, socializing, having fun and just enjoying life- rather than constantly overthinking every situation.

When was the last time you did something for the very first time? It doesn’t have to be anything crazy; learn how to bake, try a new restaurant, take a dance class, do something fun and new with your kids, or…


All by yourself! You invest a lot of time in your relationships, but how much time do you invest in the relationship you have with yourself?  Go to the movies, a museum, or grab lunch at your favorite place- all by yourself. I love spending time alone sometimes and always feel recharged and happy after taking myself on a little “date”. If this is something you’ve never before, try it- and if you feel awkward or uncomfortable about going out by yourself- don’t!

I’ll finish this post with the same question I opened it with: What do you love about yourself? Let me know down below, I’d love to know!


*this post contains PR samples/gifted items

  • Emerald

    This is my favourite valentines day post so far! Screw knowing what to get for your partner, you need to love yourself first! Thank you so much!

    emerald | Life By Emerald

  • Thank you for being so vulnerable and authentic in this post. I think I am going to try to write a letter to myself. I hold myself to such a high stander sometimes that I feel like I am constantly not good enough. I have also started a gratitude journal and I think that will help me to stay positive as well! Thanks again!

    • Thanks so much Hannah! I am the same way, sometimes I’m being way too hard on myself and I have very high expectations. It’s nice to give yourself a break sometimes and acknowledge your accomplishments ;)

  • chelsea van egmond

    This remembers me of my sweet boyfriend. I was insecure for years and years! And he really helped me out. Nowadays I can look in the mirror and smile instead of feeling insecure!

  • lauragale94

    Lovely tips! I stopped making excuses and learned to say no when I was sixteen and realised I was unhappy in my friendship group. My ‘friends’ didn’t take my absences exceptionally well and I received a lot of backlash and a bitter end to the friendship. On the upside though, I became more independent and learned how to love myself. I made new friends who picked me up instead of putting me down xx

    Laura | Lala London: Beauty & Lifestyle

  • Paula, I love this post! I am all about the self love lately and definitely think everyone needs to partake! You give some great tips on how to make that happen. One thing I love about myself, which I only discovered last year after accomplishing something I never thought I would, is that I never give up on anything, no matter how hard it might be. Loved this post, thanks for sharing! XO -Kim

  • Paula, this is such a great post. I truly believe that Valentine’s Day is not just about spreading love to your S.O., friends, or family members, but to yourself as well! Great tips, especially the ones about saying “No” and about trying something new to build self love and self-compassion. Thanks for sharing!


  • I love the idea of writing a love letter to yourself. I’m my own worst critic and I think it would be nice to be a little kinder to myself. Thank you for such a lovely post! x

    Jodie // Jodie Loue

    • You’re so welcome Jodie! I think that a lot of us feel the same way- we’re our own worst critics and don’t give ourselves a break very often ;)

  • This is such a lovely post, some points I definitely need to do more of at times! I absolutely love the necklace too.

  • Paula your posts gets better and better every day! Love all your tips, I couldn’t choose one because literally they seem to be made for me. But I’ll choose the letter one because is something you can always re-read and feel more confidence and good about yourself. I don’t have a exact thing I love about me but somedays I wake up and I see myself in the mirror and just like that I’m like wow, you look good today haha, I love those days. Thanks for writing this!

    • Oh how sweet of you Paula, thank you so much! You’re such a sweetheart! I think the letter is such an awesome idea. Haha you’re so funny! I’m sure there are many other awesome things about you! And I love those day two haha :)

  • Mes Voyages à Paris

    Cool tips and pics dear!


    Mónica Sors



  • Great post! I love your advices! :) We should all follow this and would be much more happier! Xo Leni

  • I feel like it’s so frowned upon to say no to things. I have two kids, a busy life and I take care of a one year old 11 hours a day. One of my daughter’s friend’s mom (that was long) always wants me to take her kid on weekends for a sleepover and I hate saying no, but damn, the weekends are my ‘days off.’ I definitely don’t want to spend it taking care of kids…
    I think it’s important to buy ourselves a little something every once in a while without feeling guilty.
    Lovely post :)

    Nereyda│ This Girl Is Obsessed

    • Right? I know, I feel the same way sometimes, I don’t know why we should feel guilty about saying “No”. I also really don’t like it when people keep pushing you to do something once you already said you don’t want to do it haha :) I can totally understand why you hate saying no to that, but at the same time, come on, it’s probably the only time you get to rest a little.
      Thanks Nereyda!

  • I absolutely love this post! Such lovely tips. I wrote a love letter to myself last year and I still read it whenever I need a little boost; works like a charm! Trying new things is HUGE for me because not only is it enjoyable and liberating, but I always end up discovering a new aspect of myself as well.
    Something else I’ve recently been loving is to make myself up, even if I’m just lounging around the house. Makes me feel beautiful and ready for the day. :)

    • Thank you Yized! So awesome that the letter works for you!

      Oh that’s something I need to start doing, getting dolled up once in a while when not doing anything special. It’s always an instant pick-me-up :)

  • Kiki Rampone

    These are such important things to remember-self love should always come first! Thanks for this awesome post, I loved reading it :)
    xo Kiki

  • I would have difficulty to find 10 things I love about myself, we tend to be our worst critics, don’t we? I’ve started saying ‘no’ to things, people that don’t make happy or comfortable so that’s a good start :) I love spending time on my own sometimes, especially since having kids when the time on my own is really precious :) x

    Mummy’s Beauty Corner

    • Yes we do! That’s an awesome start, definitely! One of my friends has three kids and whenever she feels like she needs a break, she tells her partner to look after the kids and locks herself in the kitchen with a bottle of wine, crackers and canned tuna salad haha ;) She says that even if it’s 30 mins she gets to spend alone, it does wonders for her.

  • That was such a good read! it is actually hard to say what you love about yourself as it seems self indulgent but it is something to practice and unless we love ourselves, are kind to ourselves and are in a good place, we cannot offer the same to others.

    What I love about myself? well… the first thing that comes up to my mind is that I am constantly working on myself: my mindset and my character.

    Cheers! xx

    • Thank you Anastasia! Constantly working on yourself is great and I’m sure there are many other things that are awesome about you! :)

  • I think it’s so important to love yourself yet it’s something most of us fail to do. I love this post because it really has some great ideas that are so easy to implement into a day to day routine! I’ve finally mastered the art of saying no, there’s no need to make excuses – honesty is the best policy!

    Like the queen RuPaul of RuPaul’s Drag Race says, if you can’t love yourself how in the hell you gon’ love somebody else!

    Isabelle |

    • I think so too, I think oftentimes we’re too worried about loving and caring for others and forget to show ourselves some love ;)

      Love RuPaul! Truer words haven’t been spoken :)

  • Writing a love letter to yourself is such a good idea! I had a bit of trouble with being happy by myself a while ago, and I started thinking a lot about how things can get really difficult when too much of your happiness comes from other people or outside influences.

    I think I’m going to buy myself some cake on V-Day (:

    Angelina Is | Bloglovin’

  • The Sunday Mode

    I agree, why should you have to come up with excuses if you genuinely don’t want to do something. I think I have a lot of guilt associated with just saying no for fear of hurting other people’s feelings, but really if you don’t want to do something that should just be the end of it. If people are your friends or family, they should understand.

    • Definitely. It kind of sucks that we sometimes feel afraid of hurting other but doing what WE want. I agree that people who are close should always be understanding when it comes to us saying “No” sometimes.

  • Amazing post, as always! I think this is so important for people to read. Thanks for writing and sharing this! :)

  • SavBanav

    I loved this post so much, Paula! I really needed to read this. I’ve had the hardest time saying no to people in the past… and it really took a toll on my enjoyment of life. Since then, I’ve learned how to sat no, which has made my life so much easier. You give such great tips on how to enjoy your life- they really make my day. :) Definitely my favorite Valentine’s Day post I’ve read so far!

    Savannah xx

  • This is such a sweet post. VDay is about love in so many more contexts than the romantic sense.

    Rachel |

  • Laura Kroczek

    Well done for this post! I can literally feel the effort you put in this post and I’m really proud of you for getting better at loving yourself and overcoming your social anxiety!
    Your tips are so useful and I definitely want to try to write a love letter to myself :) x

    Laura //

  • Sophie Sierra

    Absolutely adored this beautiful post Paula! So meaningful and heart-felt and truly perfect for everyone and anyone this Valentine’s (and every single Valentine’s after dat!) I remember you telling me how much you loved snowboarding a while back and it’s so awesome you’ve tried so many amazing things since being with Mark. Likewise, just as awesome that you are confident and happy solo, be it working hard on your beautiful blog or going on days-out and trying new things. I’d love to go on a water-sports day, no-one else wants to come with me but I’m definitely gonna try and go sometime ;) I’d say I do love my sense of humour, even though my mum probably doesn’t (sick of being called Jack Black I’m sure :P)

    Sophie | soinspo xo

    • Naww thanks so much Soph! Hahahaha omg that bit about your mom made me laugh! Every time you say that about your mom it cracks me up haha :)

  • Elizabeth Hisle

    I love that I am perfectly content to do something alone. I love company and am probably an extrovert, but if I want to do something (a concert, a restaurant, etc…) and I don’t have anyone that wants to accompany me, I’ll go alone. No point in missing out. I love that about me.

    ETA: This is a great idea for a post. People need an extra dose of self love every once in a while.

  • Jessica Remillard

    I love this post! I think all the points you mentioned are so important. I’m a strong believer in helping others but I also really believe that you can’t love others until you love yourself. You can completely change your life if you start loving yourself and doing things for yourself. I love your tip about saying “no.” I’m always coming up with excuses but it just ends up causing me more stress than if I was to actually just do the thing I’m dreading. I’m going to try to start saying no to things I don’t want to do. Life’s too short to be unhappy.

  • I absolutely love this post! It’s so inspiring! The advice you give is always amazing.
    I think self-love is very important and I want to thank you for this post because I know that I’ll be finding my way back to it whenever I feel insecure about myself. :)

    One thing I love about myself, is that I am very creative. It is what motivates me the most in life, especially in trying new things. I just love being able to create things, whether they are drawings, stories or crafts. I also love the fact that my creations are able to put a smile on the faces of the people that sometimes receive them.


  • I love the ‘Ugh, as if” card – a love letter to yourself is such a great idea to celebrate you. I would love to pick it up when I’m having a bad day to make me feel better!

    Abigail Alice x