Girl talk

These are the 3 things you need to reach your goals



Is where you are today, stopping you from getting where you want to be?

… it shouldn’t.

We set goals for ourselves because we have that desire to improve our lives in some way. How difficult is it, really, to reach your goals? However big or small they might be? There are so many people in the world, making a living by teaching others how to reach their goals. There are books, workshops, videos. Just google “how to reach your goals” and you’ll get about a million hits. It’s a subject touched on by numerous life coaches, psychologists, business and personal development educators.

So, if this is something that’s been talked about so many times, by so many people, why are we still looking for answers?


Your goal (or goals) can’t be just a vague desire. Think of it as traveling. You don’t get on a plane, without knowing what your destination is. Let’s say you’re flying to NYC. You feel excited, a little anxious, maybe? You can almost see the skyscrapers, you can hear the people walking on the streets, cabs honking, you can smell the air.  You can almost feel the atmosphere. That’s because you know where you’re going. How will you feel once you reach your goal?

A clear vision is one of the most important parts of achieving your goals. You need that clarity so that you know where you’re headed and so that your actions are congruent with those goals you set for yourself. That vision is a powerful tool- it’ll keep you going when you lose your motivation or when you experience setbacks. And both will probably happen, at some point. It’s also what gives you purpose and meaning.

But I do have a very clear vision of what I want to achieve“- okay, but how clear is it, really? You can say “well, one of my goals is to be happy.” Alright, but what does being happy mean to you? Does it mean starting a family? Traveling the world? Getting fit and healthy? Creating your own business? Buying a house, getting a better job? I can go on and on. Being “happy” means a million different things to a million different people. You have to be specific. There’s a major difference between setting a goal and actually achieving it. A lot of us set goals for ourselves, but we don’t always reach them. I’ve been talking about things like picking up my violin again, learning to play guitar or getting a motorcycle license for years. I know people who have been trying to lose weight for ages. People who spend their entire lives being on diets. People who are stuck in dead-end jobs. People who always talk about getting out of toxic relationships, but never actually do it.  People who I’ve heard say things like “that’s it, this time I’m done, for good” at least a hundred times.

Your vision for your goals needs to be clear and concrete. Some goals are small, some are big. Some can be achieved in a day, some can take years. Regardless of what your goal is, be specific. Get a piece of paper and write it down. Do it. Now, ask yourself “what can I do today, that will bring me closer to that goal?” Let’s say your goal is to lose 10lbs. Write it down. Think about some of the things you’ll need to do in order to achieve that goal. You’ll probably need to change some of your eating habits and get physically active. Write those things down. Okay, now, how are you planning on changing your eating habits? What’s your plan for getting fit? What workouts would you like to try? Write those down, too. Now, go for a walk. Today. Now. Every day, look at that piece of paper where you wrote everything down, and ask yourself “what can I do today, to bring me closer to my goal?” When you write those things down, your brain registers it in a different way, if you were to just “think” it. Your brain, your emotions, your body chemistry changes. They all get in line with your vision.


The only way your past or present circumstances can equal your future is if you allow them. You may not have “something” (like resources, support, money) but you can’t let that be the defining factor. Let’s go back to our example about losing those 10lbs. You can say that you don’t have money for a gym membership. Healthy food is expensive. You don’t have any workout clothes. You can’t afford a fitness class. You lack motivation. Your entire family struggled with their weight, so it’s just your genetics, you can’t help it. It’s too difficult. “No one supports me“. “I’ll probably gain it all back, so why bother?

Been there, done that. And you know what I have to say about it? Bullshit.

We love feeling sorry for ourselves, playing the victim.

I had every single reason in the book to use excuses as a way of stopping me from achieving my goals. And, for a very long time, I did. I worked 6 days a week since I was 15 years old. I moved to the States and was forced to go to work after only being here for 5 months. I didn’t know English, I didn’t have any friends. At home, I was being criticized every single day. I was told I was stupid, I was told I wouldn’t amount to anything in life. I was made fun of for having anxiety. I suffered from an eating disorder, I used to cut myself, I was depressed and prayed to God, every single night, asking that he just let me die.

I had no dreams, and even if I did have a few small ones, I never believed I could actually make them come true. I felt small and worthless. I couldn’t stand to look at myself and constantly questioned every single thing I did. For the longest time, I was a walking definition of an “excuse.” I told myself that I can’t do things because of the way I was brought up. That I can’t be happy because I’m too “broken” to be in a loving relationship. I blamed everything and everyone for my failures. Now I’m sitting here, giving out life advice. I mean, WTF, right?

See, our beliefs about ourselves are shaped by the people around us. Everything you believe yourself to be is a combination of what your parents taught you, the way your teachers spoke to you. The way you saw and experienced things around you. The way your partners treated you.

I was counting down the days until I turn 18 so that I can be on my own. At 17, I met my husband, two years later we were living together and I was putting myself through college. I struggled with depression for a couple of years. Then I got into the whole self-help and personal development crap and started reading every single self-improvement book I could get my hands on. I started meditating while still trying to heal my relationship with food. One day, I realized something very important- I have the power to change the way I think about myself. Those false beliefs, that lack of confidence, that thinking that I can’t achieve something or that I don’t deserve good things to happen to me- I have the power to change those. I still can’t believe that I can actually take a compliment. That I feel comfortable in my own skin, that I love myself- this is everything I’ve ever wanted for myself when I was younger. Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day when I can look in the mirror and smile.

It doesn’t matter where you come from or what your current situation is, or where you’re planning on getting. Don’t let where you are today stop you from going where you want to be. We have more free resources available to us than we realize. Put your excuses aside, let go of those limiting thoughts and go after what you want.


I’m starting tomorrow“, “I’ll start on Monday“, “I don’t feel like doing this right now.” Unless you’re highly motivated and already well disciplined (in which case, why are you even reading this? :) ) you probably said those things at some point in your life. One of my favorite Dalai Lama quotes is:  “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.” I didn’t really fully understand it until a few years ago.

Being disciplined means doing things when you don’t feel like doing them. It’s a change in your day-to-day behavior. It means being uncomfortable at times. Sometimes, it means missing out on things.  It’s consistency and willingness to change your old habits and develop new ones. Also, it’s one of those things that you just can’t reach your goals without.

That vision that we just talked about above, is sort of a map, an operating system that shows how you can achieve your goals. Discipline is what gets you there. So, if you’re trying to lose those 10lbs, you have to hold yourself accountable for your actions. At the same time, don’t you dare give up, even after you experience a setback. As long as you keep going, you’ll never fail.



Creating a clear vision is an aspirational component, it’s something that will keep you going. When you stop using excuses, you realize your potential. You won’t let your present or past circumstances dictate your future. Lastly, being disciplined will help you make changes in your behavior and daily habits.

If you’re only interested in your goals- set them, talk about them a little- you’ll end up doing what pretty much everyone else is doing. If you actually commit and teach yourself that discipline, you’ll find that will and drive to do everything you need, in order to reach your goals.


Remember, that every single day is an opportunity for you to be better. Focus on what you CAN and WILL do, instead of what you CAN’T and/or WON’T do.


  • Reply
    Gitana Deneff
    July 21, 2016 at 8:33 pm

    Great post! I really needed this so I could light a fire under my butt!! Thank you for taking the time to talk about your personal experience. Very inspiring :)


    Gitana | Books & Bellinis | Instagram

  • Reply
    Kelsey Rose
    July 21, 2016 at 8:51 pm

    This post is everything! I’ve made a few of these excuses myself… Time to get back to kicking my goals :)

    Kelsey x

  • Reply
    Leah Rose
    July 21, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    Self discipline is something I really need to work hard with.

  • Reply
    July 21, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    Reading this post is both blow to the gut and very inspiring. I keep on denying that I don’t have clear vision which hinders me from achieving what I wanted. Thank you for the tips ;)

    Selene Addicted

  • Reply
    The Sunday Mode
    July 21, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    I love how real you are in posts like these and I always find it really inspirational when you share stories from personal experience as well.

    I completely agree that too often we tend to play the victim and really it’s all about conquering your mind, more than anything else. Once you realise that I feel like so many opportunities open up.

    • Reply
      Paula @
      July 25, 2016 at 6:10 pm

      Thanks so much Julia! I think that so many of us love playing that victim card over and over again and I think it’s stopping us from achieving all the things we want. Once you change that, you definitely start seeing things in a different light.

  • Reply
    July 22, 2016 at 12:12 am

    Discipline is definitely needed! I’m always a procrastinator and it’s such a bad habit
    Kathy x

  • Reply
    July 22, 2016 at 2:53 am

    Such a great post! Your story is so touching and inspiring. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate all the great tips. You go girl! :)

  • Reply
    Aleksandra // bunniesaremagic
    July 22, 2016 at 3:42 am

    I discovered that the best way to figure out what I want is to be really tired or ill or busy and try to do it anyway. 9/10 times I excuse myself but if I do really really care, I will jump through fire to achieve it :)

  • Reply
    July 22, 2016 at 3:58 am

    Thank you for sharing this! I’m currently struggling with trying to reach a couple of goals and I really need to stop making excuses and just get on it. xx

  • Reply
    Sarah @ blue summer rain
    July 22, 2016 at 4:16 am

    This is so inspiring! Thanks for sharing x

  • Reply
    Mili Velikova
    July 22, 2016 at 5:03 am

    Thank you Paula for writing this! Deep down I’ve always known those things, but seeing it written down by someone else makes me see them more clearly. I’m the queen of making excuses, but no more ;)

  • Reply
    Dilara Bosak
    July 22, 2016 at 5:20 am

    Very inspiring!! I was reading this on my way home and I am making a quick turn back to the store to buy a notebook so I can write everything down too! Great tip!

    With love

  • Reply
    July 22, 2016 at 6:23 am

    Great post – I totally agree that you have to train yourself to be disciplined and also, to rise above negative thoughts and situations. It’s hard, but remaining focused on your goal always pays off in the end.

    – Lubna | The Digital Review

  • Reply
    July 22, 2016 at 6:28 am

    This is one of the best posts I’ve read so far about reaching your goals, thanks for all the inspiration! xx

  • Reply
    July 22, 2016 at 9:12 am

    So motivating and inspiring! Thank you so much for sharing. I feel like this is exactly what I needed to hear/read today.

    Love, Kerstin

  • Reply
    Dagmara Klich
    July 22, 2016 at 9:19 am

    This is such an inspiring post, Paula!

    I am a walking example of finding excuses to achieve many goals in my life, some are because I am simply being lazy but many other are because I’m not confident enough and scared of change.

    You just gave me a kick in the butt I needed, in the positive way, haha! x

    Mummy’s Beauty Corner

    • Reply
      Paula @
      July 25, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      Thank you so much Dagmara! I think being scared of change is very natural for all of us. once you make it out of your comfort zone, it feels amazing. It doesn’t happen for me too often, but I try to do new things once in a while. :)

      Hahaha happy to hear that! :)

  • Reply
    Marina Corrêa de Moraes
    July 22, 2016 at 10:18 am

    Thank you so much! I needed to read this.

  • Reply
    Brittany Garcia
    July 22, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    Love this post!! Always great to be inspired from other bloggers. Love your blog :)

  • Reply
    Biana Perez
    July 22, 2016 at 2:19 pm

    Discipline is something that I always have to work on – especially with exercising! xo, biana

  • Reply
    Kelsey Dadmun
    July 22, 2016 at 6:32 pm

    This was so motivating and inspiring. Thank you for writing this.

  • Reply
    Rebecca Fletcher
    July 22, 2016 at 8:05 pm

    I love this post! Its such an inspiring post. x

  • Reply
    Ela BellaWorld
    July 23, 2016 at 6:04 am

    I always find excuses and always postpone the start, then I wonder why it takes ages to achieve my goals! Finding excuses is one of the easiest things to do and I always do it, I should learn from my mistakes and instead of postponing my goals with excuses, I should actually take steps to get closer to them.
    Every single day is opportunity and being lazy won’t bring anything to anyone, so thanks for this inspirational post, Paula! Have you ever thought about being a life coach/motivational speaker? You’d be a great at it :)

    Ela BellaWorld

    • Reply
      Paula @
      July 25, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      I think many of us go through these cycles, when we want to get places, but aren’t willing to do what it takes to get there ;)

      Aww thanks so much Ela! You’re not the first person who tells me that haha, so there might be some truth to it haha ;) Thanks again Love! <3

  • Reply
    Amelia McDonald
    July 23, 2016 at 7:01 am

    Such a lovely post! <3 Everyone should read this! I always find excuses! It is so easy to do!

    Amelia | Amelia Grace

  • Reply
    July 23, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    Great words of wisow. you have a beautiful awarness about yourself !

  • Reply
    July 23, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    My mom used to always say, if you’ve always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten! Great post, thank you!

  • Reply
    July 24, 2016 at 1:18 am

    I’m the type that does make excuses, but since having my summer job at the state fair and working 10-12 hours a day (since July, I was working 6-8 hours a day in May and June) in the heat or in the office, my work ethic and confidence has increased. I can totally relate about not having friends and being made fun of as a teen, I lost a lot of friends in high school to the point where I didn’t go to any senior activities instead of prom…I always thought you had a perfect life until I read your posts about your anxiety and it just made me love you that much more, especially with how you were able to overcome it. <3


    • Reply
      Paula @
      July 25, 2016 at 6:22 pm

      Aww thank you so much Hannah, you’re so sweet! Oh no way, my life definitely isn’t perfect and I was a mess for a very long time, but I’m just so happy and fulfilled right now, I sometimes find it hard to believe ;) It all starts in your head. Nothing extraordinary really happened over the last couple of years, yet I don’t even feel like the same person I was a few years ago :)

      Thirteen Thoughts

  • Reply
    Emma Bought What
    July 24, 2016 at 10:13 am

    This was great to read! I used to always make excuses or put things off till the next day but recently I’m trying to be a lot more motivated to do things! x

  • Reply
    July 25, 2016 at 9:28 pm

    Great tips. I totally agree with the “stop with the excuses.” Feeling sorry for yourself gets you nowhere!

    District of Chic

  • Reply
    Sophie Sierra
    July 30, 2016 at 7:17 pm

    I can never, ever, ever get over how much of an inspiration you are to me beautiful Paula! I can’t put into words how in awe of you I am for being the strong, stunning fighter you are. You really are my hero, the way you have overcome so much and stayed so strong throughout is as remarkable as it is magic. You are the epitome of a billion rays of sunshine, always rising and forever shining. Your vision is always so mesmerising and forever motivational, your drive and talents and bliss all show no bounds. Wish I could tell you just how proud I am of you but a million words would do my heart no justice ;)

    I meet so many people who say “I’d love to do this but…”, mostly it’s because they don’t ever believe they’re good enough to make their dream their destiny, and damn, there’s nothing I hate more than that! We definitely need to be focusing on what we can do, like you say, on the positives and going after what we want. Excuses are so damn evil haha! I love you to the moon and back Paula, and I’m so, so overjoyed that you are in a good, positive place with a loving relationship with yourself, I can’t think of anyone more loving, more beautiful, more worthy or talented as you my love! I know they say no-one’s perfect but you’re definitely the definition of it in my eyes! Love you to the moon and back stunning soul sis! <3

    Sophie | soinspo xo

    • Reply
      Paula @
      August 8, 2016 at 10:02 am

      Sophie, thank you so much for always being so sweet and kind! I just noticed your comment, so sorry! Thank you for always being there for me! Hope you know that I am just as proud of you and everything that you do! You never fail to put a smile on my face! Love you more soul sister!!! :D

  • Reply
    The Gossip Darling
    August 1, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    Love this, so inspiring! I definitely needed so motivation. Thanks for sharing :)


  • Reply
    Marina Corrêa de Moraes
    August 5, 2016 at 10:00 am

    I started crying in the middle of it. Fuck. Thank you.

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