The easiest way to attract more positivity into your life? Creating more positive changes. The way we see things, the way we interpret emotions and react to them- it’s all often “less than perfect.”
And, just so we’re clear here, it is not about doing things or expecting them to always be perfect. It’s about developing habits and tools that will help you deal with negative situations, bad moods or emotional times, a little better. When I was much younger, before I started making some real changes in my life and focused on my self-growth, I was radiating negative energy. I’d find something to complain about on most days and my mind was constantly filled with fear.
Fear of not being good enough, not being strong enough, or never being able to accomplish my dreams and goals. Chronic pessimism can very easily take a toll on both your self-esteem and confidence. In the last two years, I felt like I was slowly falling back to those old patterns, and let me tell you, it is not a fun place to find yourself in.
So… what changed?
When I found myself feeling lost again, I tried to figure out how and when things changed for me. Well, as it turns out, some changes happen over a very long period of time- and that’s when they’re more difficult to spot. It was me trying to work on myself, my healing, my goals, then putting it off and telling myself that I’ll try again tomorrow. The next day, I’d tell myself the same thing.
HOW TO ATTRACT MORE POSITIVITY INTO YOUR LIFE
LEARN TO PAY ATTENTION
Staying present is all about protecting your energy and “training” yourself to pay attention. Falling into that negativity trap without even realizing it is very easy to do. It can happen when you’re by yourself, alone with your thoughts, but it also happens when you spend time with other people. Whether it be gossip, nagging, listening to someone else complain about their day, another person, a workplace and nodding in agreement- these are the things we do on autopilot. We don’t usually give them much thought.
We don’t always pay attention.
What often follows those interactions, is a sudden drop in your energy levels. Negativity can leave you feeling drained, you suddenly think about your own circumstances, work, and relationships and tend to project some of that negativity into your own life. Pay attention to what you say (and listen to) and learn to detach yourself from other people’s negative emotions, instead of becoming an emotional sponge (more about this here). This is really where the secret to attracting more positivity into your life, lies. If you spend most of your time focusing on things that didn’t go right, on things you don’t like or want- this will become all you notice.
GUARD YOUR SPEECH
I’m sure that you must have at least once found yourself in a heated situation or an argument where you said (or were just about to say) something mean or cruel to someone close, immediately regretting it, wanting to take it back. Yet, we often say even more mean or cruel things to ourselves, without giving that a second thought. Why is that? Why is it cruel to bring someone else down, but completely fine if you do it to yourself?
A little self-criticism is healthy, but once it becomes excessive it can inhibit you, limit you and stop you from doing the things you want to do or try. It breeds negativity. If you constantly tell yourself “I can’t”, eventually you’ll believe it. Since you “can’t” what’s the point in even trying? Your self-talk doesn’t only affect how you react to a situation, but also how you feel. Guard your speech and bring more self-compassion into your internal monologues. Practicing self-compassion has been linked to higher levels of motivation and lower levels of procrastination.
REMEMBER THAT NOT EVERYTHING IS BLACK AND WHITE
Don’t assume or jump to conclusions. In life, there are also quite a few gray areas- not everything is black and white. When you’re under stress, you can’t always make balanced conclusions when your emotions are highly involved. We’d like to think we’re always right and know best, but that just isn’t true. Putting some distance between yourself and the things (no matter how big or small) that cause you to stress or feel anxious, can help you see a better, more realistic picture. Things are almost never as bad as they seem. This won’t be an easy change to make if you’re naturally an anxious or impulsive person. In the end, though, making a change is almost never easy- even when it’s a positive one.
As a close friend, and family, it can sometimes be difficult to witness someone make (what we think is) a “bad” decision. Whether it be a certain relationship or a career choice, maybe a risky financial move. We can’t help but want the best for the people we love- that doesn’t mean that our way is the best way, or that we’re always right. Loving someone and caring for them doesn’t give us the right to judge them or their decisions. It is not up to us to dictate values and rules by which other people should live. As you make an effort to let go of judging others, you will also stop judging yourself so harshly. Letting go of judgment will help you realize that the negative, judgmental and unloving voice you hear in your head once in a while, is not who you really are.
Resisting something negative will not make the “bad” feelings go away. To make a shift and attract more positivity into your life, you have to give some of that positivity out. Just like you can’t make a half-empty glass of water suddenly appear full unless you add more water to it, you can’t expect to live a happier life if all you do is resist negativity. Negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions have their purpose, too. If you’re having a hard time, be kind and loving to yourself instead of feeling discouraged.
You can’t always replace the “bad” with the “good.”
Sometimes the only way to feel good again is by allowing yourself to feel exactly what you’re feeling at the moment- even if it’s a negative emotion. This is a simple way of building trust with yourself. If you know that a sudden drop in your mood or positive energy is nothing to panic about, it won’t affect you as much and you’ll recover from a bad or negative mood, quicker.
LET GO + FORGIVE
The heaviness, resentment, and anger that often come with the unwillingness to forgive (whether it’s forgiving yourself or someone else) take away a lot from you. They take the focus away from your joy, happiness, and all the fun and exciting things that are a part of your life. You can spend your entire life beating yourself over your past mistakes, small failures, and nothing will change. It’s very easy to find yourself in that pattern where you beat yourself up over something you did (or didn’t do) and end up being too upset to do anything about. Then you feel anxious and grow even more frustrated with yourself. This is a definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. We all mess up, we all make mistakes, there is no point in re-living them and telling yourself the same story over and over. There won’t be more self-love in your life, fulfillment, joy or positivity unless you learn to let some of those things go.