Girl talk Lifestyle self-growth

7 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself

How to Be Kinder to Yourself

Growing up, we were constantly told to be kind to others. To be polite, nice, and accepting.

I don’t know about you, but I was never thought much about being kind to myself.

There are so many different relationships you have in your life. Some are more complicated than others; some require some work while others feel effortless. Undoubtedly, one of the most important relationships in your life is one you have with yourself.

So, how do you nourish it?

I think that to some extent, we all have internalized a belief that being overly kind to yourself, is a little… indulgent or even selfish. We tend to be harsh and judgmental towards ourselves.

Once you find ways to be kinder to yourself, it’s almost as if you are suddenly reminded of common humanity. You remember that mistakes are just a part of life, so there’s no need to beat yourself up over them.


How to Be Kinder to Yourself


Most of us have gone through some kind of struggles in the past. The beautiful thing about life is that we don’t have to hold on those ugly bits or things that bring us shame, things that make us feel uneasy or bring back pain. We get to grow, change, and evolve.

Holding to grudges is not only unhealthy, it can be damaging and it steals your joy away. It’s a burden. I’m talking both about forgiving yourself and forgiving others.

Is it always easy?

Hell no. Especially so if you’ve had an unhealthy relationship with your “self” for years and tend to put yourself down, all the time, even for silly things like feeling lazy sometimes and taking a break. Do not blame yourself for making mistakes, for missed opportunities, for not following through with things. Learn to forgive yourself, just as you’d forgive a friend.


Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~ Maria Robinson
Just the other day I had someone really close tell me: “You wouldn’t understand” when talking about something they’re struggling with because I have this “perfect” life. That triggered a surprisingly angry response in me, one I did not expect.

All of a sudden, I had these flashbacks to when I was counting down the days until I turn 18 so that I could move out and leave the unhealthily strict and controlling environment that was my home, and begin to live my life how I wanted to live it. I remembered how angry and frustrated I used to be as a young adult, how low I used to think of myself. I remembered how lonely I felt. Then more flashbacks to days when I was so depressed I wouldn’t get out of bed for days, times when I thought I was going crazy, nights when as I closed my eyes, I hoped I’d never have to open them again.

I’ll admit, some of those things are things and memories I pushed so far away I hoped to forget all about them. It’s sometimes difficult to realize and accept that angry, frustrated, confused and sad person was actually me. I now know though, that my past is a part of me and even though my life looks much different today than it did seven or eight years ago, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be proud of overcoming the pain and struggles of the past. Giving yourself some recognition has NOTHING to do with you feeling sorry for yourself, or playing a victim. Mistakes, failures, and struggles are just a part of life. You don’t have to keep re-living and re-telling the stories of your past, but you should feel proud for living through them and coming out a stronger, wiser person.

So yes, in order to be kinder to yourself, you have to give yourself some recognition, give credit where credit is due. You do not have to feel guilty about the choices you make. Life is what you make it, and just because you chose to break the pattern, or decided to go a different path that someone you love, it doesn’t make you better than anyone else. At the same time, it also doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give yourself credit for building the life you want, for overcoming obstacles and going after things that bring you happiness. You don’t need to have someone else telling you that you did a good job- you can easily pat yourself on the back.


We talk Self-Care all the time, and as I always say, it’s more than just taking a bubble bath. It’s about looking after your mind, as well; it’s about not being afraid to say “no” to doing things you don’t like doing, it’s about knowing that it’s okay to be nice to yourself, to learn, grow and protect your energy. Also, learning to take care of yourself is also about knowing and realizing that it’s okay to NOT be okay– it’s okay to have a good cry once in a while or feel angry, to let yourself feel. You can find some ideas for practicing more Self-Care in this post.


Being kind to yourself, being gentle with yourself might seem a little indulgent to you.

Well, it is not, my friend.

Being gentle means that you will choose the words you speak to yourself more carefully. Guard your speech– especially when you talk to and about yourself. Being more mindful will allow you to observe, without judgment. As you practice taking that 3rd person perspective, you will be able to recognize those anxious thoughts and emotions, without the need to react or suffer from them. You’ll learn to detach yourself from those situations or emotions, therefore, they won’t have that control over you. You’ll be able to move on, and will no longer identify with that pain.


Let go of your limiting thoughts and beliefs. Are there any things you want to go after, but feel are unachievable? Do you ever tell yourself “I can’t” or “I will never be able to..“? Maybe you had someone else tell you these things in the past?

Let that shit go.

Your only limit is you. We live in times where you have countless resources at your fingertips and creating the life you dream of, has never been more achievable. But this takes work and faith in yourself- if living out your dream life was easy, everyone would be doing it. Don’t expect others to believe in your dreams and goals if you yourself do not believe in them. Remember that conversations you have with yourself, can either help you reach your goals and encourage you, or they can be your biggest obstacle.  Let go of all limiting thoughts and beliefs that do not serve you and follow your bliss.


You know what all of these have in common? They’re all things that you’d expect a good friend to do for you.

Well, then why not see a friend in yourself? When you look at yourself, do so without judgment. Stop comparing yourself to others and try to treat yourself the same way you’d treat someone close. Work on the relationship you have with yourself, just like you work on other relationship in your life.


This need of having to be perfect at all times can feel like a trap. At some point, you stop acknowledging your accomplishments because there’s always that voice in your head that says “well… you could’ve done a better job“. It’s just like having that all-or-nothing attitude, where unless you get 100%, you get nothing. It’s you, spending more time worrying about failing than you do focusing on what it is you’re trying to accomplish.

Things will not always go as planned and the sooner you accept that, the less time you’ll spend wasting trying to get things to be “perfect.”

So, what does being kinder to yourself mean, really?

It means not leaving yourself off the list of people you care and look out for. It’s about not allowing any of your negative emotions to brew. By being more kind to yourself you will discover emotional freedom, you will recognize that your needs and feelings matter. 

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  • Reply
    Zoë Ware
    March 1, 2018 at 10:17 am

    I could really use this right now. I try to make everyone else in my life happy, because at least I have some control over that, but when it comes to myself I never even know where to start.
    It would have made me angry if someone told me I wouldn’t understand too. Try me. You’ll never know if you don’t ask, and I think like a lot of people, I actually started my blog etc. because I was in a bad place. I needed an outlet, and being a creative person this was it. No I don’t write all about my problems, because I needed an escape from them. So although it may look “perfect” to you, it started in a very not so perfect way. I really loved this post, and found it so helpful. Thank you! xx

    Zoë |

    • Reply
      Paula @
      March 5, 2018 at 5:52 pm

      Thank you so much, Zoe! I think that sometimes giving yourself credit for overcoming things you struggled with in the past is so important! I can relate to trying to please everyone too- it brings joy, but it can also become a burden once you begin to ignore your own needs. So happy you liked this post, sending love! x

  • Reply
    March 1, 2018 at 10:28 am

    Nice post! Last month I was really taking time to better myself and to focus more on my self so I like reading post like this :)

    Sheer Beauty Blog

  • Reply
    Gallantly, gal
    March 1, 2018 at 10:58 am

    I talk about this topic a lot on my blog, too, but I loved hearing you talk about it! The last point is one of the hardest for me so far and I haven’t even tackled it myself, even in my own blog, as of yet! It kind of hit me when you wrote it that I was “aware” of it but never really talked about it, like subconscious avoidance, so thanks for mentioning it. I really needed that. Sometimes I don’t even try because I’m like, “Why bother it won’t be perfect,” which is stupid because if I don’t even try, it’ll never get better and there’s no such thing as perfect anyway.

    • Reply
      Paula @
      March 5, 2018 at 5:56 pm

      It’s something so difficult to let go, I still struggle with perfectionism all the time but I find that pushing myself to do things even when they don’t end up being perfect, helps. The only way to learn, is to do and make mistakes- that’s something I keep telling myself :)

  • Reply
    Charlotte C
    March 1, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Love this post – self love is so important! I often forget that mental health is just as important as physical health.

    -Charlotte x

  • Reply
    Wave for Wellness
    March 1, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    I’m pretty good at the rest but it’s really hard for me to let go of the need to be perfect. I’m used to succeeding in most things that i do and when I don’t it’s a struggle for me. Probably also because this feeling, the success, it’s kind of addictive. So i add more and more things tomy plate just to get more success. Obviously it doesn’t work very when when it’s just too much.

    • Reply
      Paula @
      March 5, 2018 at 5:58 pm

      That is one thing that is just very difficult to overcome, I agree! I used to feel this paralyzing fear of making mistakes at whatever I was doing- starting from work projects and ending with cooking/trying a new recipe. It’s hard to learn to let go of that, but it is possible!

  • Reply
    Aleksandra // bunniesaremagic
    March 2, 2018 at 2:38 am

    I needed to give myself a break from life this week, and oh my, it was tough. I literally had a medical reason to stay at home and do nothing, and yet I found it in myself to moan at my lack of productivity. I think I am a lost cause :)

    • Reply
      Paula @
      March 5, 2018 at 6:02 pm

      Ugh I suck at “doing nothing” most of the time. I can’t stand NOT doing anything productive. I did have a break from work this weekend, so I did some cleaning, organizing, cooking, and I actually watched a few movies with my husband and I gotta say it felt so good. I was pretty excited to be back at it Monday morning though. It’s when I’m the happiest, so I don’t consider it a “problem.” haha :)

  • Reply
    Daria Ed
    March 2, 2018 at 4:31 am

    Everyone once in a while needs to give himself a break!
    Thank you so much for sharing this! It is very helpful.


  • Reply
    Natalie Redman
    March 2, 2018 at 9:48 am

    Forgiveness is definitely important. We’re so critical of ourselves sometimes that we can often me our own worst enemy!

    • Reply
      Paula @
      March 5, 2018 at 6:03 pm

      Oh yes, that is very, very true, sadly! So important to learn how to forgive yourself and to know that it’s okay to fail, make mistakes.

  • Reply
    Alicia Rae
    March 2, 2018 at 11:10 am

    This is a great post! This was definitely needed and I think a lot of people need reminding of this sometimes it is pretty easy to forget.
    Lots of love, peace and happiness!
    Alicia Xo |

  • Reply
    Jasmine Lauren
    March 3, 2018 at 3:28 am

    Love this post, it’s so true that people need to be kinder to themselves. Love the point about giving credit to yourself, so important to acknowledge all the great things you’re doing! xx

    Jasmine |

    • Reply
      Paula @
      March 5, 2018 at 6:04 pm

      Most of us don’t give ourselves enough credit for our victories- however big or small. It’s so important that we work on changing that!

  • Reply
    March 3, 2018 at 3:30 pm

    I love this post! Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean to be selfish and I think everyone should be kind to themselves before being kind to everyone else.
    • my blog :

  • Reply
    Danielle Alexa
    March 4, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    This is such a great post and something that I am so glad that I read as we head into a new week!

    Danielle xx

  • Reply
    Mary Ann
    March 4, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    I love this!

  • Reply
    Claudia Norris
    March 5, 2018 at 7:17 pm

    This post is such a good reminder to be kinder to ourselves! You hit the nail on the head Paula, we should really treat ourselves like we treat our friends. And protecting your energy is so important. Love these tips!!

    Claudia |

  • Reply
    Maddison Jayne
    March 8, 2018 at 12:21 am

    As a girl with a tendency to forget to be kind to herself, these ideas could really improve that! x

    Maddison Jayne |

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